My evolution on gay marriage

Just a few years ago, I was not a strong proponent of gay marriage -- not that I opposed marriage equality for gays and lesbians; but I thought it was such a divisive issue that it was best to take a slower approach. I felt burned that it had been such a hot issue in both the 2000 and 2004 elections, with the Republican's exploiting it with constitutional amendments on the ballot to bring out their vote, that it may have been a deciding factor in electing and re-electing little george w. bush and the disaster that resulted.

My position -- equally futile, I thought -- was to take the government out of the business of "marriage." Let the government control the civil contracts that guarantee the rights and privileges of domestic unions and protection of children. This would be a "civil unions for all" idea, treating same-sex and opposite-sex couples the same. Then let "marriage" be a religious ceremony only, subject only to the rules of each particular church and having no extra rights or benefits outside the religious domain of that church.

Like Shariah laws for Muslims and the ghet divorce for Jews -- rules concerning marriage that prevail for those of that faith, as long as they don't interfere with the civil laws of that country. (This is a big problem, particularly in some European countries with large Islamic immigrant populations, who want Shariah to supercede civil law.)

I still think that is the way I would set up a society. But changing traditions of a society is harder than setting up of an ideal one in the abstact. It turns out that legalizing same-sex marriage may be easier than my idea of removing "marriage" from government control. Which makes sense to me now. It also challenges one of the main arguments of conservatives, that it will destroy "the sanctity" of marriage. It actually requires less change to extend the eligibility rules for "the institution of marriage" than to "abolish" it as an institution.

I underestimated how quickly public support could change, so that what seemed impossible just 5 years ago now seems quite possible -- and the preferable outcome. That's why we need people who are bolder and less tolerant of the status quo than I am to lead social change. I have now jumped on the bandwagon organized by my bolder gay rights activist comrades.

And I am especially happy for the six couples who are personal friends of mine who have gotten married as a result of these changes.

Ralph